PAU 39

The End Of Thirtyninehotel

  

NYE 2014

New Years 2014

of failed balloon drops and DJ Garth marathons

of that one annoying guy being so annoying/creepy

of couch forts and tunnels

of leg cramps and over dancing

of that one deep track with the Dracula laugh 

 and of walking into the sun, hand in hand with my best friend

some of the last pictures before 39 was pau

maybe a set or two more

Turned 9

I think this was almost a year ago

sometime this month, or last month?

39 had turned 9

and there was a lot of love

TOGETHERNESS

Its building

this crazy convergence of all of us

Re-building 

If I stop to imagine a map of the world, and imagine these people

the people that taught me what it meant to value dancing and music shamelessly

allowing it to become a personal embrace

instead of the manipulation I see every weekend, that screams of personal insecurity and need for validation. Having no connection to the music but all the connects to social gain and webs of wanting to be wanted.

Valuing shamelessly dancing shamelessly losing yourself for yourself, but having such a large feeling of companionship. Not feeling just like a tiny piece of a larger thing, but feeling of the larger thing. You are of it and it is of you. And the them dancing next to you. And the them next to them.

I was a child, and by so many people's standards, am still a child.

But my main concern was having people like the "me" that I curated specifically so they would like it.

and I wanted to fit in.

and feel desired. and feel successful. and not alone.

But going after it in such a wrong way. Going after some life that didn't really interest me, but the one we are told by shit media to be interested in.

And lets be real, we are all humans and all do this every day. But most of the time there is no escape from that or even a minimization of that. 

And then I met another child and fell in love. In love with a pretty face and patient demeanor. But most in love with the fact that this child talked about things that were actualities in his life that Id admired from a distance and sadly disregarded as inaccessible. 

Dancing

Dancing to enjoy the music

Dancing with your feet moving

to music

real music

being able to work with music

always being with some type of music

He would talk and talk with semi false authority more then often trying to impress me 

at least I think he was, because were on even playing fields now and I can call his bullshit

but Id listen and eat it up 

having no input and just thrilled that this might exist

I met them, his group of people that he worked with, worked for, loved, valued

some of them had the actual authority

I was looking for

on music and dance

people to learn from

about dance and music

and Im so hooked

And these people, are so open armed and welcoming and connected

it feels like they are tied together by the heart with sequined strings

And if I stop to imagine a map of the world, and imagine these people peppered across the map

in all the places they moved to, or live

so many glittery ribbons still tying hearts together

and now we are all migrating for a moment of overlapping travel

to be together and be with music and have dances

and tangle into a sequined knot 

that I don't want to have to pull myself out of that knot again

39 UNCATEGORIZED NIGHTS

LOL

39 UNCATEGORIZED MORNINGS

HOLIDAZE

When you have the right people by your side every night. No matter how monotonous, it is an adventure. Knowing how to breathe life into the ordinary is a gift. - Cheesy Quote