"That is what it is." said Reepicheep "Drinkable light. We must be very near the end of the world now."

                                                  — C.S. Lewis, from "Voyage of The Dawn Treader"

TOGETHERNESS

Its building

this crazy convergence of all of us

Re-building 

If I stop to imagine a map of the world, and imagine these people

the people that taught me what it meant to value dancing and music shamelessly

allowing it to become a personal embrace

instead of the manipulation I see every weekend, that screams of personal insecurity and need for validation. Having no connection to the music but all the connects to social gain and webs of wanting to be wanted.

Valuing shamelessly dancing shamelessly losing yourself for yourself, but having such a large feeling of companionship. Not feeling just like a tiny piece of a larger thing, but feeling of the larger thing. You are of it and it is of you. And the them dancing next to you. And the them next to them.

I was a child, and by so many people's standards, am still a child.

But my main concern was having people like the "me" that I curated specifically so they would like it.

and I wanted to fit in.

and feel desired. and feel successful. and not alone.

But going after it in such a wrong way. Going after some life that didn't really interest me, but the one we are told by shit media to be interested in.

And lets be real, we are all humans and all do this every day. But most of the time there is no escape from that or even a minimization of that. 

And then I met another child and fell in love. In love with a pretty face and patient demeanor. But most in love with the fact that this child talked about things that were actualities in his life that Id admired from a distance and sadly disregarded as inaccessible. 

Dancing

Dancing to enjoy the music

Dancing with your feet moving

to music

real music

being able to work with music

always being with some type of music

He would talk and talk with semi false authority more then often trying to impress me 

at least I think he was, because were on even playing fields now and I can call his bullshit

but Id listen and eat it up 

having no input and just thrilled that this might exist

I met them, his group of people that he worked with, worked for, loved, valued

some of them had the actual authority

I was looking for

on music and dance

people to learn from

about dance and music

and Im so hooked

And these people, are so open armed and welcoming and connected

it feels like they are tied together by the heart with sequined strings

And if I stop to imagine a map of the world, and imagine these people peppered across the map

in all the places they moved to, or live

so many glittery ribbons still tying hearts together

and now we are all migrating for a moment of overlapping travel

to be together and be with music and have dances

and tangle into a sequined knot 

that I don't want to have to pull myself out of that knot again

JUSTIN

For me, clinging to the past, and holding on to memories of how good things can be has become a coping mechanism. We all find comfort in different things, and all of these compiled pictures help me see that even though they are of the past, this magic can be found again as long as I hunt it down or make it for myself. Trying to keep a vipers grip on the slice of life that seemed to be other worldly and drag it to the forefront of the emotional onslaught. Using it as inspiration for the new and upcoming. Using it as motivation to get out of bed this week.

BIRD

Its so strange, really loving someone. After a certain point, its like you can look at the situation from the outside. And theres times you have to evaluate that love does not always make something functional and you can accept that. In that acceptance you begin to separate from the confines of what a societally determined relationship is. You encourage them to try new things and move and leave because you want to allow them and yourself to try and find the things in a person that you say you want. The chance to chase dreams that are not parallel to each others, the chance to look for that fantasy relationship, to try someone new on for size, to try a new city on for size. Or to try a life out that we think will make us happy. Because you want to give them and give yourself a chance to see if those things and ideals we have in our young minds will actually make us happy. And you see someone new. Or make new memories void of that person. And it makes you happy. But somehow its like a ghost shadowing you. It doesn't taint the new, but it never leaves. And now for me, those long off fantasies about qualities and priorities and what relationships should be, those have moved from what they had been to a different realization. That I may have already found my only real taste of love. And now I'm on my own, and you soon may not be something for me to speak of in possesion. But I hope that as planned, we can find happiness in knowing what was had between us existed and in the paths that we are taking our lives regardless of if they cross again.